Stupid Joke Thread

rankandfile

Not My President
Sep 11, 2013
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Why did the Hipster burn his lip?










Because he was drinking coffee before it was cool!
 
What did the lion say after he ate a clown?






Damn, that tasted funny!
 
What did the cannibal say to the butcher?





I'm going to chop you up and eat you raw, piece by piece, starting with your kidneys. I won't eat your liver of course, because that's your life force, isn't it? I'll sell that to your best customer... and he or she will learn all your secrets.
 
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Two cows are walking down the road. One of them walks into a fire. The other says "well done."
 
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Little Timmy walks in on his Dad putting on a condom and asks, "Dad, what are you doing?". The Dad says, "Ummm, I'm a... trying to catch a mouse."

Little Timmy looks at his Dad and asks, "What are you going to do with the mouse when you catch it? Fukc it?"
 
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Not sure it fits but my son was proud of it. I forgot where he said he heard it.

Q: How do you turn regular water into holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
 
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the front door?

Matt

In the ocean?

Bob

In a pile of leaves?

Russell

In a bush?

Barry
 
Chicken and the Egg are lying in bed together
Chicken lights up a cigarette and says:
"I guess that answers that question!"
 
A mechanic asks a blonde if she wants her tires rotated. She replies "why, lol, they rotate every time I drive!"
 
Why shouldn't you fart in a Apple store?

Cause they don't have windows.
 
What components make up a priest's bed sheets?





80 percent cotton, 20 percent tears of a young boy.
 
They say that abortions are wrong because babies are gifts from god..

Have you kept every gift giving to you in your lifetime?
 
Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come
this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"
 
People get mad at white people, they say they can get famous over anything. Some examples are Chewbacca mom, and "cash me outside" girl..

Black people get famous too, Eric Garner is a household name. You could pick up Eric Garners "I can't breath nose strips" at the Pharmacy.
 
I went to the males bathroom, I seen a father with her baby daughter in there.

I thought to my self "awww, she knows her identity at such a young age, good for her".