Stupid Joke Thread

Why were the astronauts standing so far apart?

Because they were spaced out.
 
This lady at work has her weekly bad joke.
This one went, what do you you call an alligator in a vest? An In-vest-a-gator.

I made up an alternative in my mind that I didn't share with her.

What do you call an investigator in an alligator?
You can call him whatever you want. He dead.
 
I'd tell you a chemistry joke

But I know i wouldn't get a reaction
 
A neutron walks into a bar and sahs to the bartender "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies "For you? No charge!"


Two atoms are walking down the street.

One says "s***, I lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm positive"



A neutron walks up to a proton in a bar and armed with his best pick up lines, says "I'm attracted to you."


What's the difference between a pile of sand, and a pile of dead strippers?

You can't move the sand from my garage with a pitch fork.
 
So a Higgs Boson particle walks into a church during a service.
The priest shouts at it and says "get out off here. You're not welcome!"
To which the particle replies "Why? Without me you've got no mass!!"

:hehe:
 
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How do you confuse an archeaologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask what period it came from.
 
menace-uk- said:
How do you confuse an archeaologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask what period it came from.
Click to expand...

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Seems Dave McFly is hard to please.

Ok dave, how bout this one.

A little boy heads of to school and grabs his cat as he heads out the door. When he arrives at school the teacher asks, "why did you bring your cat to school?" The liitle boy replies, "well, I heard Daddy tell Mommy that when the kids leave he was gunna eat that p**** up."​
 
actually menace I hit the wrong button this is what happens when I was tired and not seeing the right 'icon' on the screen when I clicked, I have thus corrected my error he he.
 
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A soldier asked General Lee if he could possibly say a sentence without using his name. He replied: "Generally speaking, no."
 
Not a joke but I just realised the Saturday has the word turd in it
 
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for fresh prints
 
A little boy comes into the kitchen and his mother asks him "what do you want for breakfast" he replies "I will have a bowl of goddamn Cheerios" and his mom is like "what was that?" he said again "I will have a bowl of goddamn Cheerios" she spins him around and spanks him "now what do you want for breakfast?" he rubs his butt and says "I don know anything as long as it is not a bowl of goddamn Cheerios".
 
I found a head lying on the ground. I went up to the head and said "who are you?" The head replied "nobody."
 
A couple of guys were playing basketball at the local Y and afterwards they were getting showers and one of them noticed their friend had no butt crack and he was like "what happened to your butt crack bud?" friend replies "I found a lamp on the beach and rubbed it and genie popped out and said 'for freeing me you get one and only wish'." "so what did you say?" the friend asked
"No s***?"
 
I rear ended a car and a midget jumped out and ran over to my car and yelled "I'm not happy!" I looked at him and said "so, which dwarf are you?" and that's when the fight started.
 
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "you know there is a drink named after you" the grasshopper says "there is a drink called a Steve?"
 
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