Getting felt up as a man....

The Living Tribunal

The Living Tribunal

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Sep 14, 2013
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The spaces between realities!
So I've been meaning to create this thread and discuss this for some time.

Backstory:

I've been in shape my entire life. Workout about 4 times a week. Never been overweight at all. I've been told I'm good looking or hot etc by men and women bla bla bla. Anyway I've always received attention for my looks but recently a situation happened that pretty much bothered me full stop.

I was invited about a week ago to eat some sushi with my best friend that I've known for years. He wanted me to meet him and his new girlfriend. No problem. It was Saturday night downtown so it was busy and all that. I put on some good clothes and agreed. We meet up and eat and have a good time and decide to do some bar hopping.

In transit while walking to a bar a random woman who looked to be in her early to mid twenties approached me from behind while I was looking at my phone. Keep in mind this is about 10 at night. She puts her hand around my neck and says 'How are you doing tonight?'

Me startled 'fine, and you'

Her 'fine. Hey you are really hot and you have a nice ass. I mean it just sticks out there..'

Me...feeling a little awkward and annoyed 'thanks but I'm just walking with my friends here trying to enjoy the night.'

Her looking forward and noticing my friend and his girlfriend starring at us 'oh I'm sorry I didn't know you were with others!'

She then looks at me and grabs my ass and walks away.

A second later another different woman slightly older walks past and says 'You do have a great butt just so you know'.

My 2 friends at this point come up to me and ask if I knew either of those women. I didn't.
My question to you all is. As a man have you ever been felt up inappropriately by random women? Does it bother you? Also we always hear about it happening to women, but why is that? I mean I'm pretty sure I was sexually harrassed that night.
 
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I thought this was doing to end with "Looked at my kingdom, and I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air."

Unless I was in a committed relationship, it wouldn't/hasn't bothered me. It's happened a few times to me. Not from a complete stranger running up to me, but from girls I would say I was just very distant acquaintances with.
 
Good looking people problems. Just be glad that you are seen as desirable. Sure it's invasive, but the alternative is a lot worse.
 
Plainview said:
I thought this was doing to end with "Looked at my kingdom, and I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air."

Unless I was in a committed relationship, it wouldn't/hasn't bothered me. It's happened a few times to me. Not from a complete stranger running up to me, but from girls I would say I was just very distant acquaintances with.
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Bothered me because I am in a relationship. Told my gf and she wanted to whoop some ass. That s*** is not cool man or woman involved yet it is the women cases that get the attention.
 
The Living Tribunal said:
Bothered me because I am in a relationship. Told my gf and she wanted to whoop some ass. That s*** is not cool man or woman involved yet it is the women cases that get the attention.
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She has a right to defend her territory. You handled it properly. Me, I'd have a hard time considering that sexual harassment, for myself. I can completely understand someone not feeling that way, like yourself.

I had a girl wait outside, in five degree weather, for two hours, because another chick flirted with me on my way into work. She waited by my car to make sure she marked her territory that I was hers. Lol.
 
Plainview said:
She has a right to defend her territory. You handled it properly. Me, I'd have a hard time considering that sexual harassment, for myself. I can completely understand someone not feeling that way, like yourself.

I had a girl wait outside, in five degree weather, for two hours, because another chick flirted with me on my way into work. She waited by my car to make sure she marked her territory that I was hers. Lol.
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See but what if the roles were reversed. Text book case of sexual harassment had I been a woman.
 
It's been a long time since I've felt sexually objectified by a stranger. I kind of miss it, lol. But no, actually, I remember it feeling weird. It didn't offend me or feel like a violation. It was just a strange experience. I thought to myself, "Is this what women feel?" But of course, it's different for women, because they're smaller/weaker, and men are more rapey.
 
The Living Tribunal said:
See but what if the roles were reversed. Text book case of sexual harassment had I been a woman.
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I know there's a double standard, and I can understand that, but for me, it doesn't bother me much. I get you feeling the way you do. I just don't feel it as strong.
 
Andy said:
It's been a long time since I've felt sexually objectified by a stranger. I kind of miss it, lol. But no, actually, I remember it feeling weird. It didn't offend me or feel like a violation. It was just a strange experience. I thought to myself, "Is this what women feel?" But of course, it's different for women, because they're smaller/weaker, and men are more rapey.
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The double standard bulls*** really needs to end.

Men get raped but nobody cares.
 
I remember getting my ass grabbed in clubs when I was younger but I always pretended not to notice and kept moving. I think I was scared to find out wither the person who grabbed me was man, woman or animal.
 
The Living Tribunal said:
The double standard bulls*** really needs to end.

Men get raped but nobody cares.
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I assume you didn't interpret what I said to mean that raping men is ok?

I'm not saying what she did was okay, either. I'm saying the context of the act is different, when it's going man to woman, vs. woman to man. That's because of two things: 1) the base rates for sexual offending behaviors are so different, men vs. women. Men are much more often the sexual offenders, no matter what the category -- unwanted touching, rape, child molestation, whatever. Men are much more often the perpetrators, and by a large margin. And 2) it's also because women are much more vulnerable to sexual offenses, physically, than men are. As men, we can generally overpower a woman who is trying to make an unwanted sexual advance. It's reversed for women.

So it's not double standard; what she did was inappropriate. But it is a different context (man > woman vs. woman > man).
 
Kind of depends on context, but it's rude she did that right after you just made it clear you were with company and had plans.

I also imagine seems weird and disrespectful after putting in hard work at the gym and unwanted groping is a result.
 
Andy said:
I assume you didn't interpret what I said to mean that raping men is ok?

I'm not saying what she did was okay, either. I'm saying the context of the act is different, when it's going man to woman, vs. woman to man. That's because of two things: 1) the base rates for sexual offending behaviors are so different, men vs. women. Men are much more often the sexual offenders, no matter what the category -- unwanted touching, rape, child molestation, whatever. Men are much more often the perpetrators, and by a large margin. And 2) it's also because women are much more vulnerable to sexual offenses, physically, than men are. As men, we can generally overpower a woman who is trying to make an unwanted sexual advance. It's reversed for women.

So it's not double standard; what she did was inappropriate. But it is a different context (man > woman vs. woman > man).
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I get what you are saying. I also didnt interpret what you said as that. After all this went down I have a new understanding of how sexual harassment can affect people in different ways.
 
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Videodrome said:
Kind of depends on context, but it's rude she did that right after you just made it clear you were with company and had plans.

I also imagine seems weird and disrespectful after putting in hard work at the gym and unwanted groping is a result.
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Yeah. I mean want to be healthy no matter how I may look. The entire episode has even made me re think my wardrobe when I go out without my girlfriend by my side.

:really:
 
The Living Tribunal said:
Yeah. I mean want to be healthy no matter how I may look. The entire episode has even made me re think my wardrobe when I go out without my girlfriend by my side.

:really:
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Might i suggest something like this to keep them away.

s-l1000.jpg
 
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Andy said:
I assume you didn't interpret what I said to mean that raping men is ok?

I'm not saying what she did was okay, either. I'm saying the context of the act is different, when it's going man to woman, vs. woman to man. That's because of two things: 1) the base rates for sexual offending behaviors are so different, men vs. women. Men are much more often the sexual offenders, no matter what the category -- unwanted touching, rape, child molestation, whatever. Men are much more often the perpetrators, and by a large margin. And 2) it's also because women are much more vulnerable to sexual offenses, physically, than men are. As men, we can generally overpower a woman who is trying to make an unwanted sexual advance. It's reversed for women.

So it's not double standard; what she did was inappropriate. But it is a different context (man > woman vs. woman > man).
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You can't say it's not a double standard and then explain why the two situations are different levels of appropriateness when the roles are flipped. That's the literal definition of a double standard. As clear of a contradiction as you can get.
 
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Kassen said:
You can't say it's not a double standard and then explain why the two situations are different levels of appropriateness when the roles are flipped. That's the literal definition of a double standard. As clear of a contradiction as you can get.
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Wrong.
 
Umm... I'm not sure if I should even answer this one. It's pretty predictable.

Ive been f***ed over the bar while while working and still trying to pour drinks and getting groped by randoms... So I'm pretty open for business, as long as everyone is wrapped up and attractive. :p

But yeah, depends on the environment. I tried to hookup with the priest at my grandmother's funeral, and everyone called me out of line.

And plus, you've put all that work, with squats and lunges until your booty is a good ol' bubble badonka-donk. I'd find anyone aggressively hitting on me flattering, but once you say no, it means no.
 
The Living Tribunal said:
See but what if the roles were reversed. Text book case of sexual harassment had I been a woman.
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Yeah, the acceptable limits of aggressive flirting a f***ed in regards to gender.

Sexual Harrassment is far too flippantly thrown around. It shouldn't be wrong for someone to express their interest, but shooting it down should be pretty easy, and accepted. Some of the sexual harassment cases here in Australia that Ive sat in on, the first thing the judge asks is how would they benefit from the defendants conviction. It's a loaded question.

It's when someone's advances become hounding and invasive that it gets icky. When you a sauna/dungeon, there's pretty strict rules, and generally touching is welcome, but when you say no, they're meant to back off. But every now and then, you'll end up with some creep stalking your through the sex maze, like a f***ing Minotaur.

And I think it's nice that your coupled up friends still hang out with you. Even if you are the future bait in "To catch a predator!" You need your original friends to keep you real, man.
 
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