Have you ever contemplated suicide?

Plainview

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Relax, I'm not contemplating it. A few weeks back I had two different unloadings with friends letting them know what I've been going through the past year. They couldn't believe how bad it was for me because I was always like there's absolutely nothing wrong. I haven't cried like that in a very long time. It all came out of me. So much pressure to be the one to hold it all together. Also, I felt like I was being weak if I showed what I was going through.

Anyway... when I told a friends of mine, they were stunned. They couldn't believe that I had been feeling that way for a long time. I showed no indications that it was that bad. I told them, this is exactly how it is when someone commits suicide. People say, "We didn't see any signs." Dave Chappelle had good insight when he talked about Anthony Bourdain. You would think Bourdain would be one of the happiest people. He traveled the world, ate amazing food, and met some incredible people. Inside he was dying and in pain. He hid it from probably everyone.

Have you, contemplated suicide? If so, what stopped you? How did you get help?

Did someone close to you contemplate, or commit suicide? Were there signs? What helped them, or didn't?

We can use this thread for helping people who may need it. Not only members, but any visitors that may see it.
 
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Godsmack

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This year, I've come pretty close, though I wouldn't call it suicide per se, more like just giving up on life. Too much stress in too short of a time. Having to take care of my father's estate by myself, no help from family, then they just wanted to be free loaders. Then, just bad news every time I turn around. Oh look, the whole rest of my family can't pay their bills and expects me to help out, even after I told them I have no money coming in since I'm trying to get a career going and living off savings. Then, my friends are all either going through a rough marriage or their parents are dying as well, or some other bad thing. I even went to a funeral for someone just a few years older than me that I knew a little but he was friends with my friends and died on his way home in a bike crash. Then, I hear my cousin is now a meth head. Great. What little family I have left is falling apart. That's not even all of it.

Add to that the stress of moving to a new house, trying to get my career going (and ending up not working half the year due to stress). I'm self employed trying to get a career going as a solo game developer. I feel like I wasted my time going to college and majoring in art. I'd like to at least try to do something with it. Hell, I'm still paying off my student loan...

And I may never be able to drink again. I developed an addiction since drinking was the only way I knew how to deal with stress. I'd say I lost 2 or 3 months of work just wasting away drinking every night. I had to make myself sick just to break the habit.

I feel better now than I did, but I'm still pretty stressed.
 

JinCA

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When I was in high school I thought about it, I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere and being gay in the 80's and very early 90's wasn't accepted so I had to hide that and it was just a hard time. As an adult I have never really seriously considered it, I've thought about it but only briefly. I think most people probably at some point in their life consider it even if only for a short time.
 
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JinCA

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This year, I've come pretty close, though I wouldn't call it suicide per se, more like just giving up on life. Too much stress in too short of a time. Having to take care of my father's estate by myself, no help from family, then they just wanted to be free loaders. Then, just bad news every time I turn around. Oh look, the whole rest of my family can't pay their bills and expects me to help out, even after I told them I have no money coming in since I'm trying to get a career going and living off savings. Then, my friends are all either going through a rough marriage or their parents are dying as well, or some other bad thing. I even went to a funeral for someone just a few years older than me that I knew a little but he was friends with my friends and died on his way home in a bike crash. Then, I hear my cousin is now a meth head. Great. What little family I have left is falling apart. That's not even all of it.

Add to that the stress of moving to a new house, trying to get my career going (and ending up not working half the year due to stress). I'm self employed trying to get a career going as a solo game developer. I feel like I wasted my time going to college and majoring in art. I'd like to at least try to do something with it. Hell, I'm still paying off my student loan...

And I may never be able to drink again. I developed an addiction since drinking was the only way I knew how to deal with stress. I'd say I lost 2 or 3 months of work just wasting away drinking every night. I had to make myself sick just to break the habit.

I feel better now than I did, but I'm still pretty stressed.
That's terrible man, don't let others bring you down though. I know it's hard and this may seem like cold advice but if your family is causing you that many issues maybe you should separate yourself from them. I have a twin brother who's always been nothing but a liar and a user, he has done a lot of terrible things to others as well to me and I finally had to say I want no more to do with him. Love out of obligation isn't love, you had no choice in them being your family but you can choose to keep them in your life. Again I know it may sound cold and heartless but at some point you have to look out for yourself, clearly that's what they seem to be doing at your expense.
 

Godsmack

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That's terrible man, don't let others bring you down though. I know it's hard and this may seem like cold advice but if your family is causing you that many issues maybe you should separate yourself from them. I have a twin brother who's always been nothing but a liar and a user, he has done a lot of terrible things to others as well to me and I finally had to say I want no more to do with him. Love out of obligation isn't love, you had no choice in them being your family but you can choose to keep them in your life. Again I know it may sound cold and heartless but at some point you have to look out for yourself, clearly that's what they seem to be doing at your expense.
I'm still going to maintain good relations with family (mostly aunts and uncles is all I have left anyway), but I'm done giving anyone money. There's always some sob story about how we had everything and they had tough times. Then, I see no evidence of responsible money management when I look closer.

I let my father's house (which was pretty nice) go into foreclosure this year and opted to buy a small house that I could actually afford to live in even with minimum wage. I was able to pay the house off completely, so no more mortgage for me to worry about while I get my career going. This house may only be 780 sq foot (compared to nearly 2, 500 sq ft for my father's), but everything from utilities to property tax is much more manageable. It's decent enough. It may be small, but it's still a good quality house.
 
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Videodrome

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I relate to some of this. I have a 2 year degree in Cybersecurity but I'm working as a truck driver. I often feel quite disgusted by the situation and feel like I have advanced skills that are going stale.

I guess I'd just say I respect Gobsmack for following a passion even while it sounds like a hard path to pursue. I just haven't been able to figure out a path like that for myself yet.
 
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JinCA

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I'm still going to maintain good relations with family (mostly aunts and uncles is all I have left anyway), but I'm done giving anyone money. There's always some sob story about how we had everything and they had tough times. Then, I see no evidence of responsible money management when I look closer.

I let my father's house (which was pretty nice) go into foreclosure this year and opted to buy a small house that I could actually afford to live in even with minimum wage. I was able to pay the house off completely, so no more mortgage for me to worry about while I get my career going. This house may only be 780 sq foot (compared to nearly 2, 500 sq ft for my father's), but everything from utilities to property tax is much more manageable. It's decent enough. It may be small, but it's still a good quality house.
If it's just you that's all the space you need so I'm glad you were able to find a place you could afford and also be happy with, that's awesome!

I'm glad you aren't going to be giving out any money, I've always found that the people who are NEVER there for me when I need someone are always the ones that expect me to sacrifice to be there for them. As it is I take care of my Mom, I could be working a real job but I've always had the closest relationship with her, stayed local so I could be near her and now I live with her to take care of her and I'm not paid a dime for it. I do worry about my future because I'm not able to work while I take care of her and that means no savings building up, I have 4 siblings but two of them live out of state and one just went through a divorce and can't quit her job to take over. My brother leached money from my Mom for years and she's finally gotten to the point where she tells him no, she's probably spent $90k on him in the last 10 years and that's all from her retirement savings so she's lost most of her nest egg because of him. I'm sure you can see why I'm at the point where cutting people out is the only option but if you aren't there that's good, I hope it never gets that bad for you. Money has a way of making family act like vultures and it really is sad.
 

Godsmack

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If it's just you that's all the space you need so I'm glad you were able to find a place you could afford and also be happy with, that's awesome!

I'm glad you aren't going to be giving out any money, I've always found that the people who are NEVER there for me when I need someone are always the ones that expect me to sacrifice to be there for them. As it is I take care of my Mom, I could be working a real job but I've always had the closest relationship with her, stayed local so I could be near her and now I live with her to take care of her and I'm not paid a dime for it. I do worry about my future because I'm not able to work while I take care of her and that means no savings building up, I have 4 siblings but two of them live out of state and one just went through a divorce and can't quit her job to take over. My brother leached money from my Mom for years and she's finally gotten to the point where she tells him no, she's probably spent $90k on him in the last 10 years and that's all from her retirement savings so she's lost most of her nest egg because of him. I'm sure you can see why I'm at the point where cutting people out is the only option but if you aren't there that's good, I hope it never gets that bad for you. Money has a way of making family act like vultures and it really is sad.
Yeah, I spent time taking care of my parents as well. It's why I never moved out. First my mom had cancer. She died several years ago. Then, my father had dementia, so I had to stick around to take care of him too. Luckily, he had enough coming in from his retirement to build a decent savings account. I had planned to use that money to get a small house and life off of savings for a while in the event of an emergency. Otherwise, I would have had to get some kind of job, but that would have made things difficult like taking them to appointments or making sure he didn't burn the blasted house down...

I spent most of my time studying and learning skills like 3d modeling and animation and whatnot. Hopefully, I'll actually be able to do something with it. The game I'm working on is gaining the attention of publishers, so I must be doing something right.
 

Swede

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Yes, have had those thoughts several times in my life, from childhood up until now.
Usually starts with a slow burning feeling of hopelessness (could start when under severe pressure from outside world; school, work, family etc but not always), then it just explodes and I'm not sure how to handle it other than just scream. Nothing feels okay, work feels hopeless, daily activities feels like a pain, I shy away from social activities, it happens that I go to sleep extra early to stop feeling how I do and I often feel like I have no place in this world. Doing family things but never really "feel" anything other than having to do it because it's what's expected of me. This leads to me feeling like a s*** dad and makes me feel even worse for not being happy while doing things with my daughter.
Then the thoughts of just leaving this world is like a comfort feeling until I realize how heartbroken it'll make my daughter, which of course makes me feel worse.
It usually gets better after I few days and sometimes I feel close to happy at instances, like a deja vu of some distant life. It's a feeling that escapes me seconds later though.
Best case scenario any random day; waking up, feeling... nothing, go workout feeling relieved of... something, go to work going through the motions, coming home play with my daughter realizing what extreme love I have for this little thing, sometimes get the happy deja vu a few seconds randomly throughout the day (no logic as to when, can be a smell or sounds) go to sleep.

I'm probably depressed (everything points to that) it runs in the family but it's common practice to keep it to yourself. No suicides though.
I should talk to someone, but I don't.
And no, I'm not going to realise these thoughts, it's never really that kind of feeling, more of a comfort to think about when it's all dark.
I guess pills are the answer? I honestly have no problem letting chemicals heal my psyche, it's just hard to reach out and ask for it I guess.
 
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JinCA

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Yes, have had those thoughts several times in my life, from childhood up until now.
Usually starts with a slow burning feeling of hopelessness (could start when under severe pressure from outside world; school, work, family etc but not always), then it just explodes and I'm not sure how to handle it other than just scream. Nothing feels okay, work feels hopeless, daily activities feels like a pain, I shy away from social activities, it happens that I go to sleep extra early to stop feeling how I do and I often feel like I have no place in this world. Doing family things but never really "feel" anything other than having to do it because it's what's expected of me. This leads to me feeling like a s*** dad and makes me feel even worse for not being happy while doing things with my daughter.
Then the thoughts of just leaving this world is like a comfort feeling until I realize how heartbroken it'll make my daughter, which of course makes me feel worse.
It usually gets better after I few days and sometimes I feel close to happy at instances, like a deja vu of some distant life. It's a feeling that escapes me seconds later though.
Best case scenario any random day; waking up, feeling... nothing, go workout feeling relieved of... something, go to work going through the motions, coming home play with my daughter realizing what extreme love I have for this little thing, sometimes get the happy deja vu a few seconds randomly throughout the day (no logic as to when, can be a smell or sounds) go to sleep.

I'm probably depressed (everything points to that) it runs in the family but it's common practice to keep it to yourself. No suicides though.
I should talk to someone, but I don't.
And no, I'm not going to realise these thoughts, it's never really that kind of feeling, more of a comfort to think about when it's all dark.
I guess pills are the answer? I honestly have no problem letting chemicals heal my psyche, it's just hard to reach out and ask for it I guess.
Thanks for being so honest, I hope you are able to get those feelings under control on a more permanent basis. Depression runs in my family too, my mom actually attempted suicide when I was around 6 years old, she purposely ran a red light into traffic and she was hurt pretty bad. She thought we'd be better off without her because she was a single mother who was trying to raise 5 kids and even though she got some help from her parents she was also fighting with them because she was dating the man she ended up spending over 40 years with who had happened to be friends with my grandfather before he met my Mom and was 16 years older than she was.

I'm guessing she was probably drinking at the time too but I never ask her about it. My older sisters took care of my brother and I for a week or so while she was in the hospital and we were never told about what really happened until we were in our mid 20's.I think she was drinking because she has also had issues with alcohol as have two of my older sisters and from what I hear my father did as well, that's why I don't drink and have never tried any kind of illegal drugs, I just don't want to tempt fate. Honestly I have tried alcoholic beverages in the past but thankfully I've never really liked them so that's kind of helped make it easy to stay away.
 
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Swede

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Thanks for being so honest, I hope you are able to get those feelings under control on a more permanent basis. Depression runs in my family too, my mom actually attempted suicide when I was around 6 years old, she purposely ran a red light into traffic and she was hurt pretty bad. She thought we'd be better off without her because she was a single mother who was trying to raise 5 kids and even though she got some help from her parents she was also fighting with them because she was dating the man she ended up spending over 40 years with who had happened to be friends with my grandfather before he met my Mom and was 16 years older than she was.

I'm guessing she was probably drinking at the time too but I never ask her about it. My older sisters took care of my brother and I for a week or so while she was in the hospital and we were never told about what really happened until we were in our mid 20's.I think she was drinking because she has also had issues with alcohol as have two of my older sisters and from what I hear my father did as well, that's why I don't drink and have never tried any kind of illegal drugs, I just don't want to tempt fate. Honestly I have tried alcoholic beverages in the past but thankfully I've never really liked them so that's kind of helped make it easy to stay away.
That's hard, drugs are a way to still the bad feelings for many people. I've never felt better after taking in alcohol and I don't think it runs in the family either. I'm glad I don't have that affliction.

I'm looking around watching people feel bad, drug addicts sleeping on park benches, women being with guys who treat them like s*** and it's easy to just shrug it off and tell myself that they should be able to just sort themselves out, there's always easy solutions for everything... in theory. It's never easy though, s*** in humans brains keep holding on to badness for some reason, like when you're almost out of gas in the car and for some strange reason drive by a gas stop reasoning you'll just fill it up later.. idk, everyone has demons I guess.
 
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JinCA

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That's hard, drugs are a way to still the bad feelings for many people. I've never felt better after taking in alcohol and I don't think it runs in the family either. I'm glad I don't have that affliction.

I'm looking around watching people feel bad, drug addicts sleeping on park benches, women being with guys who treat them like s*** and it's easy to just shrug it off and tell myself that they should be able to just sort themselves out, there's always easy solutions for everything... in theory. It's never easy though, s*** in humans brains keep holding on to badness for some reason, like when you're almost out of gas in the car and for some strange reason drive by a gas stop reasoning you'll just fill it up later.. idk, everyone has demons I guess.
Yeah a lot of it is people just not being able to let things go, as you say it's easy to tell someone to get over it but doing it is an entirely different thing and it's always easier when you are on the outside looking in.
 
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Pureshooter

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Sometimes when I have a deadline looming I think about how if I died I wouldn’t have to worry any longer. Not sure if that counts.
 
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scrubsr1

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I'm intimately familiar with depression and have been since the age of 11, I'm now 41. I'm not one to preach or tell people what they're feeling, especially on a forum where details are so limited. What I can say is depression is too broad of term. It's loosely thrown around and ends up being a disservice to those who I define as "clinically depressed". It's perfectly normal for someone to experience a degree of sadness. Anyone who experiences a trigger/catalyst such as the loss of a loved one will naturally enter a state of "depression", completely normal. These catalysts are numerous, and almost every human being will go through periods of intense sadness.

On the other hand you have individuals who begin to experience disturbing anxiety, hopelessness, and a deep disconnect from life for absolutely no reason at all(usually as a teenager or young adult). One day you're absolutely happy, with so much to look forward to...life is great. The next day you wake up and you know something is wrong. There's no longer the peace that comes from living in the moment. You're overwhelmed with a sense of dispair and hopelessness. You no longer feel comfortable in your own skin. There's a strong urge to escape your new terrifying reality, but with nowhere to go. These distraught thoughts and feelings may start out lasting only a day, but will eventually become more frequent with lengthier durations. Even on the days you're feeling well, and your mind is producing the right chemicals, that dark bottomless pit- filled with levels of fear and despair that sound minds can't begin to comprehend, is lurking. There will come a time where this chronic depression will be the first thing to greet you in the morning, and the last thing you see when you fall asleep. It gets worse though...soon this dispair enters your dreams, and those dreams turn to nightmares. When this vicious cycle becomes a 24hr experience lasting 365 days a year, people are going to crack. The desperation to escape the pain becomes so extreme that people understandably end their own life. Others will turn to drugs, anything to bring the smallest measure of relief.

For the past 30 years I've tried every form of treatment available to those with clinical depression. I've cycled through every antidepressant on the market to no avail. I worked with a psychiatrist who wasn't afraid to attempt aggressive and dangerous methods of treatment. I was put on a medication called Parnate which is an old school MAOI they used back in the 50s and 60s. While on it, I had to strictly monitor what foods I put in my body. If I accidentally ate something as simple as cheese, sour cream, aged meat(sausage, pepperoni, bacon, jerky, hot dogs, etc.), fish, raisins or any aged fruit, they could all lead to death. When that didn't work he took the last measure at his disposal- Electroconvulsive therapy or ECT. I went through 15 sessions of ECT before I couldn't take it anymore... my memory has never recovered and the terror of waking up under anesthesia has never left me. It's very disheartening to hear your doctor say there's nothing more we can do.

I'm sure you know my answer to your question...suicide is a voice I here everyday. I have a closer relationship to it than my wife or two kids. Yet it's my wife and kids that keep me alive each day.

Before you consider taking antidepressants, I would recommend trying Kratom. It's ground from the leaves of a tree grown in Indonesia and has been safely used for thousands of years. It's not FDA approved so you'll need to purchase from a reputable online seller. I purchase from "Herbal Salvation" out of Idaho. For depression I would recommend one of the white or green veins. If you're dealing with any physical pain I recommend the red vein. Combined with an anxiety medication called clonazepam, I'm able to get by.

I apologize for the long winded post, but when I here people considering suicide I'm compelled to speak out.
 

Plainview

I am a sinner.
Sep 11, 2013
28,670
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4,279
I'm intimately familiar with depression and have been since the age of 11, I'm now 41. I'm not one to preach or tell people what they're feeling, especially on a forum where details are so limited. What I can say is depression is too broad of term. It's loosely thrown around and ends up being a disservice to those who I define as "clinically depressed". It's perfectly normal for someone to experience a degree of sadness. Anyone who experiences a trigger/catalyst such as the loss of a loved one will naturally enter a state of "depression", completely normal. These catalysts are numerous, and almost every human being will go through periods of intense sadness.

On the other hand you have individuals who begin to experience disturbing anxiety, hopelessness, and a deep disconnect from life for absolutely no reason at all(usually as a teenager or young adult). One day you're absolutely happy, with so much to look forward to...life is great. The next day you wake up and you know something is wrong. There's no longer the peace that comes from living in the moment. You're overwhelmed with a sense of dispair and hopelessness. You no longer feel comfortable in your own skin. There's a strong urge to escape your new terrifying reality, but with nowhere to go. These distraught thoughts and feelings may start out lasting only a day, but will eventually become more frequent with lengthier durations. Even on the days you're feeling well, and your mind is producing the right chemicals, that dark bottomless pit- filled with levels of fear and despair that sound minds can't begin to comprehend, is lurking. There will come a time where this chronic depression will be the first thing to greet you in the morning, and the last thing you see when you fall asleep. It gets worse though...soon this dispair enters your dreams, and those dreams turn to nightmares. When this vicious cycle becomes a 24hr experience lasting 365 days a year, people are going to crack. The desperation to escape the pain becomes so extreme that people understandably end their own life. Others will turn to drugs, anything to bring the smallest measure of relief.

For the past 30 years I've tried every form of treatment available to those with clinical depression. I've cycled through every antidepressant on the market to no avail. I worked with a psychiatrist who wasn't afraid to attempt aggressive and dangerous methods of treatment. I was put on a medication called Parnate which is an old school MAOI they used back in the 50s and 60s. While on it, I had to strictly monitor what foods I put in my body. If I accidentally ate something as simple as cheese, sour cream, aged meat(sausage, pepperoni, bacon, jerky, hot dogs, etc.), fish, raisins or any aged fruit, they could all lead to death. When that didn't work he took the last measure at his disposal- Electroconvulsive therapy or ECT. I went through 15 sessions of ECT before I couldn't take it anymore... my memory has never recovered and the terror of waking up under anesthesia has never left me. It's very disheartening to hear your doctor say there's nothing more we can do.

I'm sure you know my answer to your question...suicide is a voice I here everyday. I have a closer relationship to it than my wife or two kids. Yet it's my wife and kids that keep me alive each day.

Before you consider taking antidepressants, I would recommend trying Kratom. It's ground from the leaves of a tree grown in Indonesia and has been safely used for thousands of years. It's not FDA approved so you'll need to purchase from a reputable online seller. I purchase from "Herbal Salvation" out of Idaho. For depression I would recommend one of the white or green veins. If you're dealing with any physical pain I recommend the red vein. Combined with an anxiety medication called clonazepam, I'm able to get by.

I apologize for the long winded post, but when I here people considering suicide I'm compelled to speak out.
And this is exactly why this thread was created.
 

Andy

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So much pressure to be the one to hold it all together. Also, I felt like I was being weak if I showed what I was going through.

Yeah, don't get locked into that strong/silent tough guy self-image. It's a trap, a prison. It gives you so little freedom and room to move.

.... You would think Bourdain would be one of the happiest people. He traveled the world, ate amazing food, and met some incredible people. Inside he was dying and in pain. He hid it from probably everyone.

Have you, contemplated suicide? If so, what stopped you? How did you get help?

Did someone close to you contemplate, or commit suicide? Were there signs? What helped them, or didn't?
I had a neighbor commit suicide. About 10 years ago, she put a shotgun to her head. She was alcoholic and was in an abusive relationship. She was a nice person, rescued a little white dog. It sucked. Sometimes I say a little prayer when I walk past her house. Hope she's doing okay.

When I was 13, I contemplated suicide. I was being bullied, didn't have much support at home. I didn't do anything, but I held a knife to my chest for a while. I remember being depressed. I would never stab myself in the chest, though. That would hurt too much, lol.
 
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Dno69

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I’ve never thought about it. But I did have crippling anxiety for about a 5 year stretch. I mean bad. Like if I ordered a pizza, I was afraid to interact with the delivery guy. Or if I was driving home for work and needed gas, I would often push it further down the road. Even being stopped at red lights was a challenge when people would pull up next to me.

i never went to the doctor for medicine or psychological help. I just kind of came through the other side somehow. Thank God.
I know what it’s like to have everything that gives you joy in life taken away.
I think I just taught myself how to not worry about s***. Which may make me seem more cold to other people than what I used to be.

I feel for Plainview and Godsmack as I’m in a similar hold-it-all-together role. JinCa, I’m sorry that you had to go through that just for being you. I’m glad the world has changed a little bit.

Videodrone, keep trying for IT work. But if nothing comes of it, embrace whatever you do.
 
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Andy

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I'm intimately familiar with depression and have been since the age of 11, I'm now 41. I'm not one to preach or tell people what they're feeling, especially on a forum where details are so limited. What I can say is depression is too broad of term. It's loosely thrown around and ends up being a disservice to those who I define as "clinically depressed". It's perfectly normal for someone to experience a degree of sadness. Anyone who experiences a trigger/catalyst such as the loss of a loved one will naturally enter a state of "depression", completely normal. These catalysts are numerous, and almost every human being will go through periods of intense sadness.

On the other hand you have individuals who begin to experience disturbing anxiety, hopelessness, and a deep disconnect from life for absolutely no reason at all(usually as a teenager or young adult). One day you're absolutely happy, with so much to look forward to...life is great. The next day you wake up and you know something is wrong. There's no longer the peace that comes from living in the moment. You're overwhelmed with a sense of dispair and hopelessness. You no longer feel comfortable in your own skin. There's a strong urge to escape your new terrifying reality, but with nowhere to go. These distraught thoughts and feelings may start out lasting only a day, but will eventually become more frequent with lengthier durations. Even on the days you're feeling well, and your mind is producing the right chemicals, that dark bottomless pit- filled with levels of fear and despair that sound minds can't begin to comprehend, is lurking. There will come a time where this chronic depression will be the first thing to greet you in the morning, and the last thing you see when you fall asleep. It gets worse though...soon this dispair enters your dreams, and those dreams turn to nightmares. When this vicious cycle becomes a 24hr experience lasting 365 days a year, people are going to crack. The desperation to escape the pain becomes so extreme that people understandably end their own life. Others will turn to drugs, anything to bring the smallest measure of relief.

For the past 30 years I've tried every form of treatment available to those with clinical depression. I've cycled through every antidepressant on the market to no avail. I worked with a psychiatrist who wasn't afraid to attempt aggressive and dangerous methods of treatment. I was put on a medication called Parnate which is an old school MAOI they used back in the 50s and 60s. While on it, I had to strictly monitor what foods I put in my body. If I accidentally ate something as simple as cheese, sour cream, aged meat(sausage, pepperoni, bacon, jerky, hot dogs, etc.), fish, raisins or any aged fruit, they could all lead to death. When that didn't work he took the last measure at his disposal- Electroconvulsive therapy or ECT. I went through 15 sessions of ECT before I couldn't take it anymore... my memory has never recovered and the terror of waking up under anesthesia has never left me. It's very disheartening to hear your doctor say there's nothing more we can do.

I'm sure you know my answer to your question...suicide is a voice I here everyday. I have a closer relationship to it than my wife or two kids. Yet it's my wife and kids that keep me alive each day.

Before you consider taking antidepressants, I would recommend trying Kratom. It's ground from the leaves of a tree grown in Indonesia and has been safely used for thousands of years. It's not FDA approved so you'll need to purchase from a reputable online seller. I purchase from "Herbal Salvation" out of Idaho. For depression I would recommend one of the white or green veins. If you're dealing with any physical pain I recommend the red vein. Combined with an anxiety medication called clonazepam, I'm able to get by.

I apologize for the long winded post, but when I here people considering suicide I'm compelled to speak out.
Cool, thanks for the post, very interesting reading.

Did you do any therapy, or was it all meds/ECT?
 

scrubsr1

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Did you do any therapy, or was it all meds/ECT?
I'm all for attacking anxiety and depression through cognitive therapy. I've been through a number of programs and counselors. Through the years I've learned some helpful breathing and meditation techniques that I use on a daily basis. I've even taken up yoga which has been shown to alleviate mild depression and anxiety. Regular exercise is a must as well. Sadly, none of these address the underlying chemical imbalance in the brain...it's a disease of the worst kind.
 
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Andy

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I'm all for attacking anxiety and depression through cognitive therapy. I've been through a number of programs and counselors. Through the years I've learned some helpful breathing and meditation techniques that I use on a daily basis. I've even taken up yoga which has been shown to alleviate mild depression and anxiety. Regular exercise is a must as well. Sadly, none of these address the underlying chemical imbalance in the brain...it's a disease of the worst kind.
Therapy is important. Thoughts are more important that we think. The importance of nutrition is under-estimated, too. I've been surprised. ... I'm agreed about the importance of regular exercise. I ride a bike every day, or every other day. and it makes a big difference.
 
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