Jebus... I never saw this one coming

Digital Joker

Do I look like I'm joking?
Sep 22, 2013
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Edmonton Alberta
So my sweet happy 10 and a half year old daughter told her 20 year old big sister that she's gay. I honestly did not see that coming.
The thing is her mom and I can't even talk to her about it cause we're not supposed to know. But my older daughter said she will encourage her to tell us herself soon. I mean I'm fine with it I'm just blown away. All I cared about at that age was watching cartoons and playing video games.
 
So my sweet happy 10 and a half year old daughter told her 20 year old big sister that she's gay. I honestly did not see that coming.
The thing is her mom and I can't even talk to her about it cause we're not supposed to know. But my older daughter said she will encourage her to tell us herself soon. I mean I'm fine with it I'm just blown away. All I cared about at that age was watching cartoons and playing video games.
I didn’t even know what sex was at 10, let alone know there was such a thing as gay or straight.

She’s only 10. It’s the in thing right now. She will change her mind.

I kid.

I love your attitude about it 👍
 
So my sweet happy 10 and a half year old daughter told her 20 year old big sister that she's gay. I honestly did not see that coming.
The thing is her mom and I can't even talk to her about it cause we're not supposed to know. But my older daughter said she will encourage her to tell us herself soon. I mean I'm fine with it I'm just blown away. All I cared about at that age was watching cartoons and playing video games.
I got a friend who’s kid is too, said she knew since she was eight, and knew something was different even earlier.

My friend used her tablet to search something but found a YouTube page on how to come out to their parents. He gave her time and the day came. They were cool about it...I think she was worried most about her mum, her mum was the last to know.

Nothings change, said he’d still hurt anyone who’s hurt her and her heart.
 
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I got a friend who’s kid is too, said she knew since she was eight, and knew something was different even earlier.

My friend used her tablet to search something but found a YouTube page on how to come out to their parents. He gave her time and the day came. They were cool about it...I think she was worried most about her mum, her mum was the last to know.

Nothings change, said he’d still hurt anyone who’s hurt her and her heart.
When I was 8-10 I was playing hot wheels, riding bikes, climbing trees and making forts. Had no clue about vaginas, sex, gay, straight, porn, attraction, love or the like. I guess I knew if a girl was pretty but I didn’t correlate it with anything beyond that.

But everyone is different. And I am glad Digital Jokers daughter is already proud of who she is no matter what.

If I could do it all over at 10 knowing what I know now, I would have banged all my hot (female) teachers 😂😳😬
 
When I was 8-10 I was playing hot wheels, riding bikes, climbing trees and making forts. Had no clue about vaginas, sex, gay, straight, porn, attraction, love or the like. I guess I knew if a girl was pretty but I didn’t correlate it with anything beyond that.

But everyone is different. And I am glad Digital Jokers daughter is already proud of who she is no matter what.

If I could do it all over at 10 knowing what I know now, I would have banged all my hot (female) teachers 😂😳😬
I've had dreams of banging my female teachers since first grade... Honestly can't remember a time where I don't automatically think of having sex with ANY female I meet (that I find even semi attractive).
 
Also, gay women are lucky, men are pigs by nature and testosterone... Women do tend to be manipulative c***s by nature though... Honestly, the best scenario for my daughter would be if she becomes non sexual and go to an insemination center so I get grandchildren.
 
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So my sweet happy 10 and a half year old daughter told her 20 year old big sister that she's gay. I honestly did not see that coming.
The thing is her mom and I can't even talk to her about it cause we're not supposed to know. But my older daughter said she will encourage her to tell us herself soon. I mean I'm fine with it I'm just blown away. All I cared about at that age was watching cartoons and playing video games.
I'm sure you'll handle it beautifully when the time comes, I know some may say "oh it's a phase" or "she's confused" but I knew I was gay before I knew what gay really was so while it seems very young it's not really all that uncommon either, especially with it being talked about so much more openly now than it was when I was a kid.
 
My young niece has blurted out several times that she’s gay to the point that I have to take it as a fact.
She‘s such a funny and sweet girl. I‘ll love her for whatever she is.
 
We really aren't sure what to think considering in the summer she was telling us she was scared to tell her friend (boy) that she "likes him as more than a friend".
Since then though she became friends with a girl in our neighborhood who is two years older and is gay. So we don't know if it's just a crush and thinks it's cool because the older girl is giving her attention or what.
My wife and I kind of feel like we're just set adrift and can't paddle for shore until she's ready to talk about it.
 
We really aren't sure what to think considering in the summer she was telling us she was scared to tell her friend (boy) that she "likes him as more than a friend".
Since then though she became friends with a girl in our neighborhood who is two years older and is gay. So we don't know if it's just a crush and thinks it's cool because the older girl is giving her attention or what.
My wife and I kind of feel like we're just set adrift and can't paddle for shore until she's ready to talk about it.
I know I said that I knew at a young age but that also doesn't mean that I think that she's sure what she is right now, not everyone's experience is identical so it could be that she's just confused and trying to be like her new friend without really understanding what it truly means. I would say that I liked girls even though I didn't just because people kept telling me that's what I was supposed to do. It's too bad your other daughter told you guys, I'm sure ignorance would have been bliss until the young one had been able to figure things out and tell you herself.
 
I know I said that I knew at a young age but that also doesn't mean that I think that she's sure what she is right now, not everyone's experience is identical so it could be that she's just confused and trying to be like her new friend without really understanding what it truly means. I would say that I liked girls even though I didn't just because people kept telling me that's what I was supposed to do. It's too bad your other daughter told you guys, I'm sure ignorance would have been bliss until the young one had been able to figure things out and tell you herself.
I suppose but at the same time I want to be there for her and its really disappointing that she feels she can't tell us.
 
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Some bigot marking the post as sad

Why did his reaction not surprise me...

Digital Joker like the way you are handling it. its sad in my area a lot of people still have that old way of thinking. The person is mentally ill, they’re a sinner and goes against the Bible, the parents failed them, now they’re embarrassed, blah blah blah. One of my uncles came out after he and my aunt divorced and his son (my cousin) barely has anything to do with him since then. I didn’t start looking at him differently just want him to be happy.
 
I suppose but at the same time I want to be there for her and its really disappointing that she feels she can't tell us.
I'm sure she'll tell you in time, I can't imagine having told anyone at 10 that I was gay. I knew I was gay before I knew what gay was but at 10 I really wasn't all that worried about that part of life yet and it makes me sad that kids that young are feeling the need to put so much thought into it these days, kids have to grow up too fast now and it's just not fair.
 
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So I've got something I need an opinion on.
She just turned 12 this week. Doesn't like to talk about her gay preference even when we're open and laid back about it.
But my concern is this... even though it hasn't happened and there are no signs that it might happen, the idea of her losing or hiding her femininity is heart breaking for me.
I honestly don't care if she wants to date girls when she becomes a teen but if she started dressing more boyish I think I'd have a real problem with that.
Does that make me a bad father or person?
I'm generally a pretty conservative person and there are some things I just can't wrap my head around I guess.
 
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So I've got something I need an opinion on.
She just turned 12 this week. Doesn't like to talk about her gay preference even when we're open and laid back about it.
But my concern is this... even though it hasn't happened and there are no signs that it might happen, the idea of her losing or hiding her femininity is heart breaking for me.
I honestly don't care if she wants to date girls when she becomes a teen but if she started dressing more boyish I think I'd have a real problem with that.
Does that make me a bad father or person?
I'm generally a pretty conservative person and there are some things I just can't wrap my head around I guess.
My niece is going through something similar. She is only 12 but has a gf and dresses more masculine some days, but then also dresses more feminine other days just depending on her mood. She is obviously very confused, but OD’d on Tylenol just to feel loved after her gf “broke up” with her. These are very confusing times for kids (she’s ok now).

Just focus on how much she needs her dad, whether she lets on or not. You’re not a bad person for wanting her to be feminine, and she may come back to that later, but ultimately not letting her sort this out on her own will just push her away.
 
So I've got something I need an opinion on.
She just turned 12 this week. Doesn't like to talk about her gay preference even when we're open and laid back about it.
But my concern is this... even though it hasn't happened and there are no signs that it might happen, the idea of her losing or hiding her femininity is heart breaking for me.
I honestly don't care if she wants to date girls when she becomes a teen but if she started dressing more boyish I think I'd have a real problem with that.
Does that make me a bad father or person?
I'm generally a pretty conservative person and there are some things I just can't wrap my head around I guess.
Nobody really knows all of these things, but being 12 is a confusing time for anyone, especially a young girl preteen into teenage years. I'm sure you went through different phases of styles and what not, and she needs to do these things as well. Let her play it out, just try to be there as much as you can to support her. She's trying to develop as an independent person, and there's a lot of steps along that path that need to be taken individually. I know my parents hated some of my actions (skipping school, being a "skater kid" lol, not respecting authority, etc) but they always had my back and I think that's the best thing she could ask for.

I know it's kind of a meme at this point, but the phrase, "IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM" is based in reality.
 
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So I've got something I need an opinion on.
She just turned 12 this week. Doesn't like to talk about her gay preference even when we're open and laid back about it.
But my concern is this... even though it hasn't happened and there are no signs that it might happen, the idea of her losing or hiding her femininity is heart breaking for me.
I honestly don't care if she wants to date girls when she becomes a teen but if she started dressing more boyish I think I'd have a real problem with that.
Does that make me a bad father or person?
I'm generally a pretty conservative person and there are some things I just can't wrap my head around I guess.
It’s going to come down to a choice for you. Is being a supportive father to your daughter more important to you than your views/ uncomfortableness?

It may be a phase. It may not. I’m not a father, but I think you’d feel more fulfilled in life if you try to understand and be there for your daughter when she needs it rather than holding onto your conservative viewpoints/ uncomfortableness as being more important.
 
So I've got something I need an opinion on.
She just turned 12 this week. Doesn't like to talk about her gay preference even when we're open and laid back about it.
But my concern is this... even though it hasn't happened and there are no signs that it might happen, the idea of her losing or hiding her femininity is heart breaking for me.
I honestly don't care if she wants to date girls when she becomes a teen but if she started dressing more boyish I think I'd have a real problem with that.
Does that make me a bad father or person?
I'm generally a pretty conservative person and there are some things I just can't wrap my head around I guess.
Give it time, let her open up. Just be willing to be open and understanding, it’s a learning process for the both/all of you. And in a way you don’t know oneself either cos it’s new too.

When I was a teen I kept to myself a lot, maybe a bit emo, but part of it may have been the loss of a parent. Friends and siblings are raiser to talk to. I wasn’t one to talk much about who I liked but would from time to time just say “hey they’re cute”.

May be risky business, but talking to the sibling may give you insight, but that could also be seen as a loss of trust between them.

Just share and enjoy the time you share and, again, give it time.
 
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So I've got something I need an opinion on.
She just turned 12 this week. Doesn't like to talk about her gay preference even when we're open and laid back about it.
But my concern is this... even though it hasn't happened and there are no signs that it might happen, the idea of her losing or hiding her femininity is heart breaking for me.
I honestly don't care if she wants to date girls when she becomes a teen but if she started dressing more boyish I think I'd have a real problem with that.
Does that make me a bad father or person?
I'm generally a pretty conservative person and there are some things I just can't wrap my head around I guess.
Just remember she's still the same little girl she always has been to you, her life may not be going in direction you had always pictured for her but regardless of how she dresses the person in that skin is the same one you've loved since the day she was born, hell probably since the day you found out she was conceived.

If you have a problem with her becoming more masculine (if she does) don't let her know, you'll get over it in time and telling her about it isn't going to change anything it'll just make her feel like she can't be herself around you which in the long run will likely mean she tries to avoid you and I'm sure you don't want that.

Too often young gay people focus on what it's like for them when they are coming to terms with that part of who they are and they forget that their parents need time to wrap their heads around it too, I'm not a parent but I know parents have a vision of what they want their kids lives to be like and when that's not going to happen it takes time to come to terms with it and that's fair.

She's still so young there isn't much point in worrying about those kinds of things right now, just be supportive in the ways you can be when it does come up and don't give her anything to rebel against at home, well anything more than the usual teen issues they all rebel against :)