I was accused of being racist yesterday. Long read. Kind of irked.
- Thread starter Eric
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I get complained about a lot on my job. If it's your first time, it'll rattle you. Here's my best advice: don't take it personally. It is not at ALL about you. Not one whit. You didn't do something to cause it. This is completely 100% about him.
Some people are narcissistic a-holes and get off on making other people feel small. They take their pent-up frustration with life and dump it on others. They feel big by making others feel small. They feel strong by intimidating and accusing others. It's their way of making themselves feel like big men. They are bullies, a******s, narcissists. Inside, they are self-deluded, poorly constructed, fragile little twats. They blame other people and act like self-righteous victims. They make other people's lives miserable.
This guy sounds like one of them. Just do your best to explain yourself to your boss. Hopefully he has been around the block enough to know that these people are everywhere, and he will support you.
Some people are narcissistic a-holes and get off on making other people feel small. They take their pent-up frustration with life and dump it on others. They feel big by making others feel small. They feel strong by intimidating and accusing others. It's their way of making themselves feel like big men. They are bullies, a******s, narcissists. Inside, they are self-deluded, poorly constructed, fragile little twats. They blame other people and act like self-righteous victims. They make other people's lives miserable.
This guy sounds like one of them. Just do your best to explain yourself to your boss. Hopefully he has been around the block enough to know that these people are everywhere, and he will support you.
Thanks for the support, Anderson.
I live in New Jersey, by the way.
My boss is pretty understanding, but it just bothers me a bit. I am pretty thick-skinned but it was embarrassing for him to yell those things out loud at me, especially since he was at least double my age.
I live in New Jersey, by the way.
My boss is pretty understanding, but it just bothers me a bit. I am pretty thick-skinned but it was embarrassing for him to yell those things out loud at me, especially since he was at least double my age.
yeah exactly. on the surface these people can make you feel like s***, but if you step back and take a clearer view... ask what kind of person gets so pent-up over a thing like this? is that a person you would like to be? they deserve your sympathy more than anything — they certainly do not deserve your stress
No sure why you were pumping the other guys gas. Never seen a Full Service and Self Services on the same side of the same island.
It sounds like you did everything in your power to accommodate everyone to your best ability.
I like the fact your were bothered by the remarks. It shows that you care to help others and how they perceive you. It's a good quality and maybe to a fault. Try not to dwell on it too much. I'm sure your manager understands the matter and has seen this before. You're not going to be able to please everyone in the world and that's OK. People on the other end need to understand that, as well. If they don't it's on them.
Yeah, it's all about him causing you shame, humiliation, embarrassment. That's his goal. Berating you in public is a great way to do that. Public humiliation is always better than private.
When he didn't pull up, that was the sign of who you were dealing with -- a self-centered, controlling prick. "Screw the other guy, and screw your procedures, I'll tell you how this is going to go -- I'm going to stay here and the other guy is going to go around." Then when you didn't pump his gas first, I'm sure that touched a nerve; it was a "narcissistic injury" as they say. These guys act big and tough but are basically the high school bully, all grown up -- terribly sensitive to their image and how much "respect" other people give them. He feels diminished, so he has to rip into you, to restore his sense of potency.
Anyhow, don't take any of what he says in. It is just this guy's way of operating in the world. He probably does the same thing every month or so, lashes out at someone. Be glad you're not his wife or child or dog.
sounds like a ghetto douche that plays the race card when he acts like an a****** and people don't take it.
Yeah, it's a shame bosses don't have their employee's back more often in these cases, but it's very typical, in my experience. They don't want to be sued. They don't want complaints going to their boss. They want to make the problem go away, and so they bend over backwards to placate the complainer. They get real nervous about these situations and just want the problem to disappear. It's understandable, I guess.
You're not going to reason with some people. I'm a firm believer in irrationally escalating situations outside of people's comfort zones. He should have said his boyfriend was black.
Blow up and give the irrational customer the satisfaction of seeing him get fired? You have to think a couple of steps ahead here. A guy without the self control to handle a routine fill-up isn't going places, the only influence he can have on a guy like Erics is to drag him down along with him.
Nothing you can do to those guys that isn't worse than what they do to themselves.
The minute he seen the manager not back him up then screw that job. Why would you want to work with a person that treats his employees like this...I guess at worst tell the owner of the store what happened. Are you saying he should still work at this job even though his manager didn't back him up?
You can't quit your job every time you get mad at your boss or a customer (or both). You'll never make any money.
I'm not saying anything like that. There's a difference between choosing to leave a job in a way that benefits you, and telling your manager and a dickweed customer to go f*** themselves.
If you think this is weird, then you haven't seen the whole thing, bro. Plenty of crazy people out there. My wife is experiencing similar to yours. Because I am black and she is white, she has ran into couple of black females (it happens from time to time) that suggested she shouldn't date/marry me. They believe that black should date with black and white should date with white. It's amazing what they think of that. It just show you that they simply do not know nor understand what truly love is like. My wife and I have been together 6 years (5 years of marriage) and a beautiful baby (he's 5 yrs old but still baby in my eyes. 
) So I feel your pain. Usually we just ignore them and focus on ourselves. They have their own problems for sure.
) So I feel your pain. Usually we just ignore them and focus on ourselves. They have their own problems for sure.
Rock on, Smurfboy.If you think this is weird, then you haven't seen the whole thing, bro. Plenty of crazy people out there. My wife is experiencing similar to yours. Because I am black and she is white, she has ran into couple of black females (it happens from time to time) that suggested she shouldn't date/marry me. They believe that black should date with black and white should date with white. It's amazing what they think of that. It just show you that they simply do not know nor understand what truly love is like. My wife and I have been together 6 years (5 years of marriage) and a beautiful baby (he's 5 yrs old but still baby in my eyes.