The Mental Health Thread

Plainview

Plainview

I am a sinner.
Sep 11, 2013
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I know there's a lot of people in our lives who suffer from mental health issues. I'm sure a few on here as a couple have discussed it on the forums. If there's anything going on in your life, feel free to reach out to us in this thread, or through PM. We're all one big family here. We're all here for each other. Just as we were together for Hazard71 and his illness.

Share anything you want in here. Talk about how you cope with it. Discuss how you determined you needed help. How are your experiences on meds if you take them?
 
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Well, I saw the doctor last week and talked to her about my anxiety that I've had for the past year with my sister passing, handling her estate all by myself (my choice), my mother getting older and shutting down because of my sister's passing, and the current relationship I'm in, or out, or in or out, ... you get it. I never really had ever dealt with anxiety in my life. I've always been able to handle everything, I guess the past year was too much.

My blood pressure was high. When I completely calmed down it was normal. Then, when the doctor and I discussed life, it went up again. As I had suspected when my BP was high in the past, it's my type A personality that causes it. The doctor pretty much confirmed it. With that observation she prescribed me a very low dose Welbutrin once a day. I took it for the first time today. It takes about three weeks to start kicking in. She said if I feel good in a few weeks, keep going until the end of the year through the holidays, and if the anxiety and stress situations have passed, we'll wean you off it.

I take no stimulants of any kind. I almost never drink coffee. I still haven't smoked weed... that may end very soon. This is a first medication for me where it's not rx anti-inflammatory. I was on a BP medication for six months and I hated it so I stopped it. This will be interesting. I'm curious how my mood will change.
 
Has anything changed since taking your medicine?

I have crippling anxiety. So severe that the few times they've prescribed me stuff I threw them in the garbage because...reading up on side effects caused even worse anxiety. I used to grow/smoke my own stuff in younger years until cops found out about it. Smoking stuff helped out a lot with it back then. I was at least able to function around the humans, unlike now. You can lose a lot of your life being stoned all day. I regret losing so much time being lost in another world for such a long time. But, I may not be around now if it wasn't for the self medicating at the time. It helped me temporarily forget all of the bad stuff I endured growing up with.

It'll help with any sleep issues you might have as well. Be prepared to want to eat a lot if you ever decide to burn that stuff. I'd probably recommend smoking stuff over taking any sort of meds for sure... especially if they're affecting you negatively in any way.
 
I think my crazy job takes a toll sometimes. It's weird because there are benefits like having a lot of autonomy. If I make my deliveries on time, I"m left alone, no co-workers, no boss over my shoulder. I'm making middle class income now and getting some debts under control.

However, this comes with insane work hours and hardly any kind of regular home life. I'm out about 11 days and off every other weekend. I can work up to 70hrs a week or drive up to 11hrs a day within up to 14hr that includes misc non-driving work. After that, I get a 10 hr break which is enough time to eat, wash up, sleep, make more coffee, then drive again. For example, my last duty run from Nov. 4th through the 15th, I drove 4500 miles.

My year to date figure is 80,000 miles driven. Holy sh;t. o_O

I'm not lonely exactly, but this comes with crushing levels of boredom and a regular nagging feeling that I'm missing out on life. I hardly even have time for something as simple as watching a movie. It's hard to have fulfilling hobbies. I like to do things that are technical or creative. I've thought about trying to write fiction, but I don't have the time; I can't write in 5 to 10 minute increments unless I want to edit total garbage. Podcasts help for entertainment or learning, but then I have no time to put whatever I learn into practice.

The job itself comes with risk and stress as well from traffic and maneuvering a giant vehicle or the threat of storms. I've been blown over once doing this. It's also very sedentary which annoys me on another level feeling over the years this could take a toll on my physical health.

I regularly feel kind of disgusted working a job like this when I have a 2 year degree as well. Or feel that I have potential to do more, but my hands are tied because I have to drive this truck all damn day.

I dunno, I just don't see many opportunities to do something else without the risk of more debt from over price training. There is a chance if I get a little more experience and license endorsements, I could apply to haul Propane and be home 3 days every week instead of every other week.

I mostly have some levity about this job for now, but I also feel like I'm getting closer to a day where I'll have to quit or at least take an extended leave.
 
MR X said:
Has anything changed since taking your medicine?

I have crippling anxiety. So severe that the few times they've prescribed me stuff I threw them in the garbage because...reading up on side effects caused even worse anxiety. I used to grow/smoke my own stuff in younger years until cops found out about it. Smoking stuff helped out a lot with it back then. I was at least able to function around the humans, unlike now. You can lose a lot of your life being stoned all day. I regret losing so much time being lost in another world for such a long time. But, I may not be around now if it wasn't for the self medicating at the time. It helped me temporarily forget all of the bad stuff I endured growing up with.

It'll help with any sleep issues you might have as well. Be prepared to want to eat a lot if you ever decide to burn that stuff. I'd probably recommend smoking stuff over taking any sort of meds for sure... especially if they're affecting you negatively in any way.
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I believe that it is working because I've had a few days where I felt really great. Some other days not so good. I was told it's supposed to take three weeks before feeling the effects, but I think I'm already feeling some benefits. I asked some friends of mine if the incredibly chill, 'I don't give a f*** about problems,' days that I've had are what it's like to be high, and she said yes. Then I said, "Well then, I want to be high all the time!"

There are supposed to be little side effects with Wellbutrin. I'll let you know if there are any.
 
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Videodrome said:
I think my crazy job takes a toll sometimes. It's weird because there are benefits like having a lot of autonomy. If I make my deliveries on time, I"m left alone, no co-workers, no boss over my shoulder. I'm making middle class income now and getting some debts under control.

However, this comes with insane work hours and hardly any kind of regular home life. I'm out about 11 days and off every other weekend. I can work up to 70hrs a week or drive up to 11hrs a day within up to 14hr that includes misc non-driving work. After that, I get a 10 hr break which is enough time to eat, wash up, sleep, make more coffee, then drive again. For example, my last duty run from Nov. 4th through the 15th, I drove 4500 miles.

My year to date figure is 80,000 miles driven. Holy sh;t. o_O

I'm not lonely exactly, but this comes with crushing levels of boredom and a regular nagging feeling that I'm missing out on life. I hardly even have time for something as simple as watching a movie. It's hard to have fulfilling hobbies. I like to do things that are technical or creative. I've thought about trying to write fiction, but I don't have the time; I can't write in 5 to 10 minute increments unless I want to edit total garbage. Podcasts help for entertainment or learning, but then I have no time to put whatever I learn into practice.

The job itself comes with risk and stress as well from traffic and maneuvering a giant vehicle or the threat of storms. I've been blown over once doing this. It's also very sedentary which annoys me on another level feeling over the years this could take a toll on my physical health.

I regularly feel kind of disgusted working a job like this when I have a 2 year degree as well. Or feel that I have potential to do more, but my hands are tied because I have to drive this truck all damn day.

I dunno, I just don't see many opportunities to do something else without the risk of more debt from over price training. There is a chance if I get a little more experience and license endorsements, I could apply to haul Propane and be home 3 days every week instead of every other week.

I mostly have some levity about this job for now, but I also feel like I'm getting closer to a day where I'll have to quit or at least take an extended leave.
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It sounds like you're in a revolving rut. Your job doesn't allow you to interact with people much. I'm sort of the same way. I thought I loved being alone working. At my last job, I was always alone for an hour or two in the morning, and Ioved it. I would get annoyed when people came in. Now, I'm alone nearly all day and it sucks. There's little physical interaction. When I do, the people I talk to don'e offer the back and forth that I want. I miss that. Being alone like this makes my mind wander. I'm a hyper thinker and it becomes evil when I'm bored at work. I'm looking for ways to occupy my mind during work so I don't have evil thoughts that are destructing to me mentally.
 
Plainview said:
It sounds like you're in a revolving rut. Your job doesn't allow you to interact with people much. I'm sort of the same way. I thought I loved being alone working. At my last job, I was always alone for an hour or two in the morning, and Ioved it. I would get annoyed when people came in. Now, I'm alone nearly all day and it sucks. There's little physical interaction. When I do, the people I talk to don'e offer the back and forth that I want. I miss that. Being alone like this makes my mind wander. I'm a hyper thinker and it becomes evil when I'm bored at work. I'm looking for ways to occupy my mind during work so I don't have evil thoughts that are destructing to me mentally.
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My old job in Wisconsin was running Yard Truck shuttling trailers during late 2nd Shift. I only chatted with the security guard during downtime. I enjoyed that and my schedule, but quit that because of the poor yard conditions from either potholes or winter conditions. I didn't socialize as much there because it was a small town with little to do, but I enjoyed stopping by all night diners to have a meal and coffee and just chill. I was a regular so I'd BS with the night manager. I also liked to go the light house park on Lake Michigan.

I also had time to work on computer projects and maybe even apply skills I'd learned with my degree. I'm a geek stuck in a redneck job just trying to figure out a way to earn a decent income. Looking for a tech job took to long so I gave up.

Where I live now, there is a Maker Space club that provides hardware tools for carpentry. They also have spare Arduino Controllers, Raspberry Pis, and even a 3D Printer. I have never even been to this great social and hobby resource to start a project because of my work schedule.

In general though, the work / life balance is awful. I feel like I should be earning a lot more money for this kind of personal life sacrifice or when I get home after driving 11 days I should have at least 5 days off instead of just 3.

I'm close to getting in a year with my current company though so I'm looking for other options. It's tricky though because so many trucking companies are dysfunctional or have a****** management.
 
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I went off Wellbutrin for a month or so. Felt ok, but as Valentin's day approached, and being single, I went on it again as I felt the anxiety build up again. Not sure if it was Valentine's day being the trigger, or the build-up of Wellbutrin wearing off. Either way, I've been on it for a few weeks again, and I'll keep it going for a while as it's a very stressful period right now.
 
Glad you recognize that the Wellbutrin is helping on those tough days. There are too many people in this world that don't think they need medication, even though honestly it would improve their psyche exponentially.

Hope everyone is holding out alright with whatever is going on in their life, if you ever feel like you need to reach out to anyone and vent, hit my inbox
 
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I hope you are feeling better, Plainview! I know it's hard to throw off the anxiety. I have a bag full of them. Im so uncomfortable in my own skin most times. But you created a forum! its free and it is enriching for so many! Peace, brother.
 
rankandfile said:
I hope you are feeling better, Plainview! I know it's hard to throw off the anxiety. I have a bag full of them. Im so uncomfortable in my own skin most times. But you created a forum! its free and it is enriching for so many! Peace, brother.
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Hey, brother. Glad to see your post. Good days and bad days. The good days seem to be more and more frequent. The spring and summer should help! I love these forums and everyone that is along for the ride! ❤
 
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Plainview said:
Hey, brother. Glad to see your post. Good days and bad days. The good days seem to be more and more frequent. The spring and summer should help! I love these forums and everyone that is along for the ride! ❤
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Amen! good to hear you are having mostly good days! Crocuses are popping already and SCROTUS will be out in 10 months. Yay!
It's been awhile for me to post. Last year was a bad time socially and physically for me. Add that i have 3 kids playing travel soccer and that whole social pecking order is like being 9th grade all over again. so many cruel people.
 
rankandfile said:
Amen! good to hear you are having mostly good days! Crocuses are popping already and SCROTUS will be out in 10 months. Yay!
It's been awhile for me to post. Last year was a bad time socially and physically for me. Add that i have 3 kids playing travel soccer and that whole social pecking order is like being 9th grade all over again. so many cruel people.
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I'm sorry to hear that. I would always check your profile to see the last time you logged on. You're a busy father! I have no kids, so no constantly running around for me. Frigging Valentines day wrecked me. Add into the fact that the girl I was dating at the end of last year has already moved on, it's been a tough time. That's why I went back on the meds. If I didn't have them, I'm not sure how it would be. I'm not interested in figuring that out right now...
 
All of this coronavirus garbage has put me back into bad place again thinking about death all of the time. Things were starting to get better this year after a lot of bad stuff that happened over the last 3 years. Everything I worked for and was looking forward to this year has been destroyed again. It seems like everything bad that happens is a result of someone else causing it. Every time I fix things in my own little world, the people from the outside world ruin it again and again and again.

I was obsessing about all of the bad news locally a few years ago, and now I'm doing the same thing again on a massive scale. It's not like it's avoidable. Even living in such an isolated place, I still have to be reminded of it when going to the stores and seeing the fear in elderly people. Some old lady looked at me in the store the other day and spun her cart around and hobbled away as fast as she could like she saw the grim reaper. I feel like I'm doing something seriously horrible when leaving my property just to get essential items. People...ugh.
 
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MR X said:
All of this coronavirus garbage has put me back into bad place again thinking about death all of the time. Things were starting to get better this year after a lot of bad stuff that happened over the last 3 years. Everything I worked for and was looking forward to this year has been destroyed again. It seems like everything bad that happens is a result of someone else causing it. Every time I fix things in my own little world, the people from the outside world ruin it again and again and again.

I was obsessing about all of the bad news locally a few years ago, and now I'm doing the same thing again on a massive scale. It's not like it's avoidable. Even living in such an isolated place, I still have to be reminded of it when going to the stores and seeing the fear in elderly people. Some old lady looked at me in the store the other day and spun her cart around and hobbled away as fast as she could like she saw the grim reaper. I feel like I'm doing something seriously horrible when leaving my property just to get essential items. People...ugh.
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You definetley aren't the only one felling like this. Even for the asocial people the isolation is going to be a bit much. It will pass, I just hope that after we actually do make some chages to our society for the better and not just forget.
 
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Yep, taking atarax daily atm, reading about Italy today and mind gets in dark places.
Trying to picture worst case scenario and working my way backwards to a more logical outcome but seems no one knows how this will end.
 
It will pass, even though I know it doesn't feel like it. Keep in mind these measures are mostly to curb the numbers so that the hospitals don't get overwhelmed. The death rate for younger healthy people isn't bad so that's good and in reality its lower because of how many people we don't know that have it are ok. Also Singapore has had 432 cases and only two deaths, they have prepared for this better than so that should gives the rest of us hope that it can managed.

I wish congress would get their god damn act together and pass something so at least that will relieve some of the pressure.
 
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Thanks for sharing during this crisis everyone, it helps to know I'm not in this alone. I'm holding up OK for the most part. I have a 4 year old at home, and it breaks my heart every time he says he misses his friends from class, wishes he had a brother or talks about playing with his cousins. A big part of his childhood is being robbed right now. I could give 2 s***s about myself at this point, but when he gets anxious about the lack of outside contact, it really hits me and I feel a lot of guilt (even if not deserved). Overall he's doing great though. It was finally a great day outside today and we did so much playing that I actually got a sunburn.

Being able to work from home is both a blessing and a curse right now. The money is still rolling in but I have to neglect my son at times and I hate that. Wayyy too much screen time. And hey, sometimes Daddy wants to relax on the couch for a bit too. Animal Crossing for the first time is great tho!

It's so infuriating that the impact of this virus could have been a lot less than what it is right now had we had any semblance of a competent government. I guess that's what I am right now, angry. Just f***ing mad at this country and the people that deteriorated/abolished the establishments who prepare and manage these kinds of events.
 
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In February, I hired on to a home daily trucking job. I don't really like it, but it was nice getting home daily.

For a long time, I've had to much of a Loner life. Like I said above, I don't quite suffer from loneliness, but just have a nagging feeling I'm missing out on things in life and boredom gets to me.

So now, it's a sick irony we're in a new reality of social distancing.

I am very frustrated though. Trying to work at having a normal life but it's seems so hard to get a decent job with enough income to not have to live in a crappy neighborhood. I get sick of truck driving, but I see no options to get out without a huge cut in income.
 
I have mild asthma that I think is getting triggered by allergies and some anxiety about the economy.

I recently upgraded my car, but now shopping for an apartment and worried about the economy or if I should just get a s***ty studio.
 
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Spiritech said:
It will pass, even though I know it doesn't feel like it. Keep in mind these measures are mostly to curb the numbers so that the hospitals don't get overwhelmed. The death rate for younger healthy people isn't bad so that's good and in reality its lower because of how many people we don't know that have it are ok. Also Singapore has had 432 cases and only two deaths, they have prepared for this better than so that should gives the rest of us hope that it can managed.

I wish congress would get their god damn act together and pass something so at least that will relieve some of the pressure.
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2.5 years later and it never went away. Now we gotta worry about them Pox and whatever else is coming out next.
 
Enemy said:
2.5 years later and it never went away. Now we gotta worry about them Pox and whatever else is coming out next.
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🤷‍♂️


Let me try a reverse jinx then.

We're doomed. Coronavirus is going to mutate into a worse strain and the permafrost melt from global warming is going to release a virus that turns people into zombies. Doomed.
 
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Spiritech said:
🤷‍♂️


Let me try a reverse jinx then.

We're doomed. Coronavirus is going to mutate into a worse strain and the permafrost melt from global warming is going to release a virus that turns people into zombies. Doomed.
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You did it! The reverse jinx worked! This will never, I repeat, never fail!
 
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Plainview said:
That was a harrowing video when I watched it last year. That is straight up dead people walking.
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There's daily videos on youtube being posted about that area. I'm in complete disbelief that a place like that exists in the US.
 
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